It’s hard for me to ignore the fact that lately my two boys have been pretty darn naughty. To make it easier on you and since I know you are a busy man, I have compiled a naughty actions list for your consideration.
NAUGHTY LIST
Big Brother – age 4
- Has recently entered the stage where he thinks every object makes a great gun and likes to shoot at everyone he meets, friend or foe.
- Ignores the “don’t talk to strangers” rule in place and instead tells every person who makes eye contact with him (including random transients and uninterested store clerks) his age and name.
- Swears up and down that THIS time he’ll listen to his mama. Then doesn’t listen to his mama. Repeat.
- Farts at the dinner table.
- Has a habit of waking up at ungodly hours in the morning and then singing/banging/yelling/etc until you yell out to knock it off – and then assuming since you are yelling you must be awake and….
- Cries every time I say no TV.
- Threatens to not invite me to his birthday party.
- Has more melt downs than Frosty in a heat wave.
Mr. Terrible Two the Destroyer – age 2
- Spills milk at every.single.meal.
- Has broken sunglass, a chair, multiple toys, a door, (need I go on?)
- Demands snack. Takes two bites. Demands new snack.
- Makes his dear sweet mother chase him in circles around the car each morning.
- Makes his dear sweet mother chase him in circles around racks of clothes at Target.
- Makes his dear sweet mother shop online now.
- Says “no” when he means “yes.” Says “yes” when he means “no.” Except on the rare occasion where “no” really means “hell no” and “yes” means “like yesterday woman.”
- Recently brought the post office to a defcon level 1 with his nuclear tantruming abilities.
But despite all their antics, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t go to bat for my little hellions sweet angel babies with Mr. Christmas? So before you get your coal measured out best to give you the other side of the coin as well.
NICE LIST
Big Brother – age 4
- Wakes up every single morning with a smile on his face (even if at an ungodly hour).
- Loves to help clean the house (using the word “clean” liberally of course).
- Listens attentively in school.
- Defends his brother in every situation.
- Doesn’t hold a grudge.
- Is friendly to all and extra kind to smaller children in general.
- Has taught his little brother new words, new skills and all of the characters from Star Wars.
- Will share anything and everything – including telling the Destroyer with absolutely no parental coaching that this year he could be the one to put the star on top of the tree and for every year moving forward they can take turns.
Mr. Terrible Two the Destroyer – age 2
- Cleans up every spill he makes (again using the word “clean” liberally).
- Is kind to each 4-legger he meets.
- Forgives his brother every transgression almost immediately and always whole heartedly and will hug big brother and say “sorry” even when he’s the one who was trasgressed upon.
- Gives the sweetest kisses on the planet.
- Always remembers to feed the dogs (even when I forget) and let the dogs in the house (even when I forget).
- Helps keep his mother in some sort of shape (thanks to his toddler chase exercise plan).
- Tucks his puppies in bed with him every night.
- Smiles back at every person he meets spreading all kinds of Christmas type cheer all through the year.
So there you have it. A mixed bag again this year. Whatever you decided Santa, I have one simple easy little ol’ request. Make sure to tuck a nice big bottle of wine in a stocking for Mama. I certainly think I’ve earned that this year. Hugs and kisses to the Missus and I’ll make sure to leave you out a drink with your cookies this year that is guarenteed to keep those trademark cheeks pink. xoxo – Me
Twice and a Blue Moon 
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