Working resume draft for Darth Connor.  Edits and reviews welcome.

Darth Connor
SUMMARY

Experienced preschooler seeks gainful employment as a life coach or alternatively as your own personal super villain. Excels at snarling and growling, whining and lightsabering.

EXPERIENCE
Alarm Clock, Please Go the Hell Back to Sleep, Inc
Tiredest Mom in America, California — 2012-2016

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Consistent alarm clock that requires no batteries and works even on your days off. Alarm cycles between, “I’m hungry,” “I’m thirsty,” “Can I come out?” and “I pooped!.”

Accomplishments

  • 4 years of reliability
  • No “snooze” option eliminates fear of sleeping through an important meeting or a sunrise
  • Doesn’t sleep on the job – EVER
  • Comes with his own 2-year-old apprentice (resume can be found HERE)
Expert Stink Face, You aren’t a Dinosaur, Inc
Stop Growling!, California — 2015-2016

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Ferocious growling skills which can be unleashed at anytime on anyone and will be sure to raise eyebrows and his mother’s blood pressure.   

Accomplishments

  • Scare off strangers and/or solicitor from engaging in pleasantries
  • Not afraid to growl at men, women, children or nice grandmother types
  • Great security alternative for people who are allergic to dogs
  • Can make whatever is in his hand at any moment a light saber for additional defense
Athletic Director, You’ll never sit again, Inc
You are always complaining about your love handles anyway, California — 2013-2016

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Motivational speaker/demander who will keep you active by ensuring you must stand up right after you sit down (also known as mom squats). Has also hit age where he will eat all treats and desserts that you bought for yourself him saving you from unnecessary calories. 

Accomplishments

  • Will always need a snack right immediately after you sit down
  • Will always needs a drink right after you get him a snack and immediately after you sit down
  • Will always need a napkin right after you get him a drink and immediately after you sit down
  • Will NOT give you the last bite of that cupcake
EDUCATION

School of Hard Knocks

Master’s Degree in Scraped Knees and Bruised Eyes— 2013-2016

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President of the scabby knees club.  Decorated wearer of both superhero and Star Wars band-aids. Voted Mostly to have an ER visit in 2015 AND 2016.

SKILLS

  • Expert in shenanigans, tomfoolery and horse play
  • Excellent limping skills 
  • Experienced in black eyes, head bumps, scraped knees and sand toys to the face
  • Received an A+ in “I told you that was going to happen 101”

Peer Group References on Request

 

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